this does not feel like christmas.
i think im coming down with something.

today i stayed in bed and read the books i borrowed from the library, and my mum kept asking me to go out for dinner but i didnt want to.
but she insisted and called my dad to make reservations at this chinese restaurant.
Then i reeeaalllly didnt feel like going and i felt like puking then she got pissed with me and my dad too so in the end i gave up and went.

Then when i got there i just sad down and didnt eat anything and the smell of the food really made me feel queasy so i just sat on my hands cos it was so cold and stared at everyone.
and they just ate dinner like that.
what the point of dinner anyway. dinner is a time for the family to sit down together to eat. and quarrel.
seriously i swear they were quarelling throughout dinner i just sat there and stared at them blankly.

sigh.
i have declared myself to stupid to read fruits basket in chinese.
michelle lent me six books in chinese.
i cant even understand like ONE chapter.
god.
im so stupid.
i wish i wasnt so stupid.
i wish i was smart like my brother.
im going to die next year.
im going to be bottom in class.
just wait and see.
0.o